Natasha - The Artist

I am a filmmaker… I am an inspirational filmmaker… I am an inspirational filmmaker in the making. Oh, how to begin this post.

I am a filmmaker. I am currently seeking the right people and the money to create an inspirational feature film.

About two years ago, I saw a girl on a city bus. Our car being repaired, I took the bus to work — which rarely happens. I sat quietly, observing people coming in and thinking about the day ahead, about their family, money problems, their ex they wish they hadn’t broken up with… I thought to myself “wow, I should take the bus more often, I see so much”. Then I noticed Abigail. The bus full and no more seats available, the teenage girl was standing near the front. She was inside herself, wondering why life was giving up on her, why she was in her body not being able to be happy. She didn’t look at one person in that bus, from fear of being judged or… from fear of meeting that one person who can tell her who she really is.  How I wished at that moment I knew how to help her find her heart.

I took out a notebook and started writting about her. I wrote about how she finds herself, how she fulfills all her dreams. I wrote about the people she encounters on her path and how they help her discover who she is, how she falls in love with herself and her heart. I wrote about how she discovers happiness and how she is guided to her ultimate future.

Today, two years later, my notes have become a feature film script. I have fallen in love with Abigail and all the characters in her life, as they are all a part of me. They ARE me. The movie is me, not about my life — but who I am at every moment.

I know this film will be made and will be successful. Abigail will inspire people, teenagers especially, to follow their heart and their instincts. Every time I think about Abi and the movie, I am attracting the right people for this film — I feel it in my heart. An example — Jessica wrote a comment on my last post, inviting me to visit her myspace page and listen to her music. I cried when I heard the first note. She is the one. She will create the music for Abigail. I invite you to be mesmerized: http://www.myspace.com/jessicaleiathompson.

If you want to see this film, I invite you to comment on this post. The more people demonstrate interest, the more the right people will be attracted to be a part of it.

Much love,
Natasha
xxoo

Well, my very first video post. Enjoy.

Our minds are constantly flowing with thoughts. Actually, flowing might not be the best choice of words… Our minds are constantly bombarded by thoughts, thousands of them per day. You know what? We choose to be bombarded by thoughts. We choose to listen to our own thoughts, despite what they are. They are the source of our stress, anxiety, impatience, and also of our happiness and joy. They also make us distracted. When was the last time you truly listened to your friend telling you a story? Without thinking about the story you want to tell? Without thinking of what you need to be doing at that moment? Without thinking of what you should have done that morning?

As an actor, thanks to many great teachers, I learned that the number one crucial thing in acting is listening. To be present with another actor, to make it about him or her. When you listen, you allow the other’s words to hit you, creating a natural reaction, free of ego, that is mesmirizing to watch. This is a great technique. But, why aren’t we taught to apply that in our everyday life?

Constantly listening to our thoughts while another is speaking is actually a way to feed our ego and to hide who we truly are. And we are all guilty of that, including yours truly. That’s the way we are taught, to live with our egos — because that’s the way our parents were taught, and their parents, and so on. We all want to feel important, needed, knowledgeable, you name it. We think that the way to do that is to make sure our words our heard as soon as a split second of silence appears in a conversation. Instead of listening to what the other is saying, we end up listening for a slight moment where we can jump in, and concentrating on what we want to say so we don’t forget it. When we end up getting our ‘moment’, we blurt out our words, without realizing that the person standing in front of us is also not listening, because they found something else they want to say. 

I have been practicing listening in my everyday life and I have had conversations where no words were spoken but were much, much more meaningful than ego-filled exchanges. You can discover so much more about another person and about yourself if you just let go and free your mind.

I dare you to try it today. To truly listen, you need to free your mind of your thoughts – ignore them basically. You need to concentrate on the other person, just make it about them, and don’t judge. Oh, and breathe… You’ll know why when you try it.

If it doesn’t work the first time, just keep trying. It takes practice. A great hockey player doesn’t make it to the NHL without having played for years.  

Let me know how it goes.

It’s been five months since I quit my full-time job at the government. At first, I took on many contracts, worked a few weeks as Production Coordinator and Graphic Designer on a show, took on more contracts, then more… Then it hit me. I was taking on all those contracts for the money. I was becoming overloaded with work and obsessed with making more money, in case I wouldn’t have any contracts the next month. I was miserable. I slowed down. I took on less and less jobs. I made less and less money, but I’m still here five months later. I am budgeting differently, limiting my expenses, but I am happier. I realized that I like graphic design, but I am really doing it just to survive. My true passion is acting. I am craving it, enough that I don’t feel like doing anything else. But acting isn’t cutting it money wise right now; so I have to kick myself to take on at least a few contracts a month.

It’s been five months… Five months of independence, non-scheduled days, no one to report to, freedom. I am happy. I love it. I don’t like having a routine to follow. It’s also the end of thirty-three years of routine, schedules, reporting to parents, teachers and bosses. It’s like reprogramming my system to live a completely different life. I’ve been programmed that you ‘have’ to work for a company with a boss to survive. You ‘have’ to have money to live. You do what society expects from you. For the past five months, I have done exactly the opposite.

My body is in shock. It’s grieving. It has realized that this is it. This is how it was meant to live. There’s no turning back, I’m too happy. So I grieve. I have reached the point where I don’t know what to do now. It’s like I am at the point of no return and I am confused about how to keep moving forward. Looking at the future right now is like looking into the abyss. Although it’s really like that all the time, we never know what tomorrow will bring, but in my case right now, I am letting myself feel it more. I face the unknown in a much stronger way than I used to.

Two years ago, I spent a weekend at a solitary camp not far from where I live. I needed the isolation from reality, and the quiet of the country. I got there the Friday around dinner time. It’s a great place. I had my individual cabin, with a wood stove and no electricity. It was amazing. I walked in trails all over the huge, wooded property. I was at peace. I would go pick up my food at the ‘kitchen’, a cabin near the entrance of the property, and bring it back to my cabin to cook it. Simple foods were always on the menu: potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, all kinds of veggies, fruit, cheese, milk, whole grains, … I picked up my water at a source about a 7 minute walk from my cabin.

The weekend was going so well. I was getting my energy back, energy I had been lacking for years. I was talking to no one (which is mandatory at this camp). Being an introvert, working in a very open area full of contractors at the time, plus raising a family at home, I never had, or took rather, the time to be by myself, to be quiet. So this weekend was a God send.

Sunday morning, I go out for a walk in a trail in the woods. After being out for about twenty minutes, I hear howling… like a wolf. Struck with panic, I freeze for a moment, trying to talk myself into just keep going. I loose it and turn around and run back to my cabin. I think it took me five minutes to run back. I catch my breath and make myself some lunch. While eating, I can’t get out of my head: “What am I doing here? I should be home with the kids. I want to go home.” My husband was picking me up the next day after dinner. I still had a day and a half to go. “Oh God, what now?”

I lay on my bed, crying, scared that I wasn’t doing the right thing. I decide to walk to the main house to call home so my husband can pick me up that same day. I knock on the door, a priest appears in the doorway. The place is run by Catholic priests, they don’t talk religion at all, unless you bring it up. Which is good for me, because I don’t practice anymore. They are there to listen if you need to talk. When I suggest I want to call home to leave, he kindly asks me to sit and chat before I do so. So I sit. He explained to me that I was at the point where my body was relaxed, I was truly with myself, and my body was starting to panic because it wasn’t used to that. I was used to always being busy, always having something to do, so I was now feeling guilty because I wasn’t ’doing anything’. He suggested I stick around just to see what would happen, to keep myself ‘busy’ by reading the books I had brought or by drawing. So I did, and how glad was I to have stuck around!

The Monday was amazing. I starting seeing things around me in a completely different light. It’s like I could truly see life. I heard things I had never heard before. I went back to my favorite spots to take mental pictures so I could return whenever I wanted in my dreams. At the end of the day, I was waiting for my husband and kids. I sat on a bench up on a hill. I had an amazing view. The wind was blowing gently on my cheek. I closed my eyes to feel it more. Then I heard a voice. I was channelling my guide for the first time. I was truly at peace with myself. I was grounded and centered. Holding on despite what my head was telling me was the best thing I could have done.

What I am feeling today, the confusion about where I am going, what I should be doing, is just like what I was feeling that Sunday afternoon. I think I should find myself a job, what I am doing is ridiculous. Who am I to ‘defy’ what society expects from me? You see, I am about to embark in the greatest journey of my life, and my body is resisting it. It’s trying to bring me back to what it’s used to — to the illusion of safety. I just have to stick with it. I have to keep riding the wave and not look back.   

Breathing Time Productions

presents

eMOTIONal

…an electrifying soirée of art, music and one-act plays…

Plays:

WOMEN IN MOTION by Donald Margulies
(Starring: Natasha Jetté & Claudia Jurt)

SPECTER by Don Nigro
(Starring: Miles Finlayson & Tommie-Amber Pirie)

BENCH SEAT by Neil LaBute
(Starring: Alan Jeans & Meghanne Kessels)

Director: Claudia Jurt

Tickets: $12.00 (adults), $10.00 (students/seniors)

Location: Arts Court, 2 Daly Ave
(Library, Elevator ‘A’, 2nd Floor)

Opening Night: Wednesday, November 14, 2007 @ 8pm
Show 2: Thursday, November 15, 2007 @ 8pm (Pass-the-Hat)
Show 3: Friday, November 16, 2007 @ 8pm
Closing Night: Saturday, November 17, 2007 @ 8pm
Matinee: Sunday, November 18, 2007 @ 2pm

Tickets can be purchased at:

Arts Court (2 Daly Ave.) front desk 613.564.7240
OZ Kafe (361 Elgin Street) 613.234.0907
At the door

Note: All art on display at the show will be available for purchase!  SOME OF MY PAINTINGS WILL BE FOR SALE!

Info: 613.565.2107

http://www.BreathingTimeProductions.com

I just got home from my Intensive Scene Study class. Let me tell you about the course before I ramble about what went on tonight and completely loose you.

Intensive Scene Study is an acting class, where we ‘explore a scene’ using our true selves, i.e. our true feelings, rather than ‘acting them out’. So instead of thinking “I have to cry when I say this line”, we use whatever feeling is truly coming up.

I’ve been taking scene study classes for a year and a half now. It’s an ongoing process; there is no end result — just constant growth. Up to now, I’ve ’worked’ through sadness (that was a big one), fear and happiness. Believe it or not, happiness was a big one too. Of course, all the feelings come up regularly, but once you get through identifying and working with a feeling for the first time, and identify any blockages related to that feeling, it’s a lot easier to work with after.

Tonight, it was anger. I realized I have a blockage when it comes to anger. When I am acting and I am angry, my ego kicks in and tells me “NO! You can not be angry!!!!” So my acting comes out bullshitty (that’s the technical term for ‘not true’).  I forget to breathe, I am not listening to my scene partner, etc. Then I’ve got my teacher telling me to “let go and have fun”. Whoa. My ego is confused now!! How can I have fun when I am angry? Of course, every inch of my body knows exactly what she is talking about. When you act from your true self, with your true feelings and express these feelings in the work, you have fun, no matter what the feeling.   

While driving home after class, I was bummed. Why the heck didn’t I get out of my head and just did the work, like I usually do? I’ve done scenes before where I got angry and it wasn’t that bad, I got out of it and expressed it. What’s the problem this time?

Well, on my drive home, I pondered that question and its possible answers.  It finally hit me.

I am doing the play “Women in Motion”, where two friends go on a trip to the Caribbean. The key here is “two friends”. None of my other scenes I’ve done have ever been about a friend. I don’t want to be angry in this scene because I am scared of loosing my friend. Why? Because that situation happened to me more than once when I was a kid. I mean like at least 5 or 6 times. I used to express all my feelings as a child, without thinking about it. Without knowing it, I probably was offending my friends by expressing my anger. I still can’t prove that, but that’s the idea that has stuck with me for years and years. So I developed this idea that I shouldn’t express my anger in case I offend my friends.

Now as an adult, when I am angry I shutdown and stop seeing and talking to people. I become a kind of hermit for the duration of that ‘anger fit’. That’s my way of making sure I don’t offend (and loose) any friends. 

But this doesn’t help my acting one bit, especially in a scene with a best friend. I am supposed to express that anger, and fully — not 10% of it.

Funny how our body works.

The first step is done: I’ve identified the blockage. Now it’s a matter of choice. I’ve got to choose to express the anger despite what my ego tells me. I’ve got to choose to ‘jump off the cliff’ (that’s an expression Mom, don’t take it literally).

So next week, I am jumping off the cliff. Now I am kind of hoping I will be angry.