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Simply about me… here we go. October 16, 2006

Posted by greenlavender in About a Medium, Energy, Life, Mediumship, Metaphysical, New age, Personal, Spirituality.
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I have been hesitating writing about myself for a long time. I have never opened up to people easily. I have a good friend whom I have known for 8 years and she doesn’t really know me. That’s how long I take to open up. Sometimes I realize my husband doesn’t completely know me either. Although I know a relationship like ours takes a lifetime to grow, but still, there are some things he is just starting to learn about me — but most of those things I have only learned about myself in the past few years. 

Now, I’m gonna write about me for whoever wants to read. I have been resisting opening up by telling myself: “Why would people want to know me? I’m not that interesting.” But the truth is, I am scared. Afraid of being judged, of not being accepted. Today, I realized that I might not be the only one thinking this way. So maybe if I open up, I might help others like me.  

I am a spiritual person. Not the freaky kind who dresses weird and reads in crystal balls — although I do own one — guilty. I believe in angels, spirit guides, spirits (or ghosts if you wish). If you visited my paintings page you most likely already noticed that part.  I know spirits exist because I see them. You’ve seen the Sixth Sense… everyone has seen it. Well, it’s kind of like that, just not as graphically detailed. And just like in the movie, most spirits (ghosts) are lost, looking for help.

I also feel other’s feelings. I have been since I was a young child. I often stay away from crowds or parties, especially when they include a lot people I know. It touches me more, or hurts me more. So, if ever I am at a gathering and you see me leave out of the blue, or withdraw completely, you will know why.

… God my tag in my pants is really bugging me. I’ll have to cut that. Sorry, I’m drifting away.

Yeah, so back to people’s feelings. There is a lot of negativity in this world, if you haven’t noticed. Feeling others’ negativity on top of my own has often been too much to bare. Plus the fact that I see and feel ghosts… which if you also notice, there isn’t too many people doing that, perfect target for rejection. Writing about this, even though I haven’t even posted this yet, is affecting me so much I’m about to hyperventilate. Relax Nat… breath. God, I’m scared. I can’t believe I’m writing this. I can’t believe I’m actually gonna have the strength to publish this on my blog — available for anyone who wants to read it.

There is so much to our lives most people don’t begin to understand — or want to for that matter. The unknown is scary, even to me. It’s difficult to believe in what we don’t see, or feel, or touch. It’s difficult to talk about it when most people don’t want to know about it. I will be sharing all this with anyone who might be the least bit curious about what else is “out there”. I hope to help at least one person open up. I was one of them, asking so many questions about life, so there has to be more people like me. And I’ve also come to accept that a lot of people will be afraid to even talk to me knowing what I know. And don’t feel guilty if you’re one of them, I understand.

I look at my blog stats everyday to see if people are interested in what I write. I will keep writing about this, about myself, even if I see that no one comes back. Eventually, that one person who needs help opening up will read it. That’s what counts.

My message for the day: stay positive, it will make a huge difference in your life, in this world. You are not alone.

God, now I have to click the “Publish” button.

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Comments»

1. Nancy - October 17, 2006

I want to congratulate you on being so brave Natasha. Now that you’ve opened up to people, did anything bad happen?

😉

On some level though, I know what you’re talking about. While, I probably don’t see things to the extent you do, I am a very spiritual person. I have a really good intuition and I can sense what people are feeling. That’s why I have trouble being around the elderly. So many of them are filled with regrets and sadness that it gets to be overwhelming. Although, that makes me realize how I don’t want to have any regrets. Sometimes, I also know things seconds before someone says it. But since it’s only seconds before, I got into the habit of shrugging it off as coincidence, because I didn’t want to get into some embarassing argument about being “psychic”

I think I would be alot more in tune with myself and the world if I didn’t let the opinion of others ge tin the way.

We should go for coffee sometime soon.

2. greenlavender - October 18, 2006

Thank you so much Nancy.

I am happy to report that nothing bad happened. Quite the contrary I might say. I just spent over 3 hours talking about all this spiritual stuff (afterlife, guides, destiny, etc.) with friends I never ever thought I would open up to. They kept asking me questions about all kinds of stuff, and I happened to have the answers to most of them. My level of energy skyrocketed.

I am convinced, and have been for a while, that my destiny is to reach out to as many people as I can about this to help them open up. I shared that bit of info with my friends towards the end of the conversation (which ended because of the time and the fact that most of us work tomorrow morning). They told me they believe me 100% because I speak with such passion and wisdom about it, and I talked about it without scaring them away. I was so touched I cryed.

My message of the day just for you: If you accept your gift as it is and let it happen, it will grow.

I would love to go for coffee with you to chat. I warn you that we will most likely have to free up a few hours, ’cause when I get started I have trouble stopping. 🙂

3. Nancy - October 18, 2006

Fine by me! Let’s set up a date at karaoke

4. Ereek - October 18, 2006

Thanks for the honesty and the bravery. It will always be scary, but i will always be its own reward.
E

5. Claudia - October 19, 2006

Natasha – it’s amazing when I see people, you, share like that – it makes me feel at home – I understand exactly what you mean when you feel other what others feel. It can be extremely exhausting. I never know when to open up and when to shut myself off. It’s a wacky balancing act. Would love to chat more w/ you.
Love,
C

6. greenlavender - October 19, 2006

Thank you Claudia.

I agree it can be very exhausting.

Once you have that gift, there is no real way to shut it off. However, there are visualisation exercises you can do that let you “read” others’ energy without absorbing it, which is what makes you exhausted. Visualisation exercises are very powerful. For example, if I start sensing negative energy around me, I visualize my body surrounded by two-way mirrors facing outwards, that way the negative energy is reflected back towards the person emitting it, and I can still send love and compassion to him/her. There are many images that work well, you can find the one that works best for you.

Would love to chat too!

7. dragonmommie - October 20, 2006

Natasha~
I don’t know what you did, but your blog stats must be through the roof right now! You have multiple pages coming up, one after the other, in my tag surfer.

Let me just say that you are a heck of a lot more interesting already, than my own blog. I am also writing about myself and I had the same thoughts of, “who would want to read about me?” Still not that many people according to my blog stats.

I can tell you not to worry about being rejected because, #1 you most likely will never see anyone from this audience… #2 that is what your blog is for, to let it all hang out… but also… #3 which I, myself, find very helpful; and that is this: As I write, I air my own thoughts and form opinions… just now, out in public! I find it very satisfying.

From what you say about being able to feel what others are feeling, that would make you an “empath”, you can literally empathize with people. I agree that you have a gift and that, like anything else, you must excercise it for it to grow. My mother had strong intuition and I sometimes fancy myself as having the same gift, but too many times proved me wrong when I thought one thing and it turned out to be another. Only my husband, I can know what he’s thinking and that is only because I know him so well (or think I do) and know what his likes and dislikes are.

I’ve always had an interest in the mystical and I, for one… and I am sure many, would read your blog.

I’d love to be in that conversation, too!

8. greenlavender - October 21, 2006

I appreciate hearing that others are like me, in some way, shape or form. I felt alone for so long, especially as a child, just because I was afraid to open up. Writting about myself, my experiences and hearing that others feel the same way is a huge relief.

Thank you dragonmommie.

9. I’m a medium and the entire world knows it, what next? « Natasha - The Artist - October 21, 2006

[…] I opened up about the fact that I feel and see ghosts and that I sense others’ feelings (see post: Simply about me…). Wow, nothing bad happened.  I even got great comments from great people, and hey, they want to chat more. Cool. […]

10. cordieb - May 2, 2009

I sometimes think we lose our gifts by society in general who do not promote looking at the world in a different light. When I was a child I would see a woman most nights looking at me from a mirror; I always thought it was my dead aunt, who died before I was born. But, family convinced me I was dreaming or imagining things. . . and soon she went away. I saw a picture of her as an adult after I became grown, and as a woman she looked almost exactly as I look as a grown woman. Unfortunately she died in her early 30s and her cause of death was never determined; although her body was sent to another state for tests. About four years ago, I would feel a child touching my but in the bath room; I would look back and no one would be there. I knew it was a child because the hands were tiny and it felt like when a toddler is trying to get your attention when your back is turned. I still don’t know what that was all about. I dismissed it as usual. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and this part of you with us. It’s truely amazing and I do want to learn more about the metaphysical. . . as I’ve always felt there was something out there more than what I see on a daily basis.

Peace, Light and Love. . .
C.


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