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How’s Self-employment Life? August 22, 2007

Posted by greenlavender in Acting, Art, Design, Emotions, Energy, Healing, Inspiration, Life, Personal, Random.

I quit my government job on June 30, 2007, already with a few Web design contracts in hand. Enough to support me for a bit. Plus, I will be getting money from leaving the gov. as a backup if I need it — later though, in a few months.

First week of July, I find myself working as a volunteer production coordinator on a great play. I worked like a dog — and I absolutely loved it! Wow! It felt great. Of course, I worked on my contracts at the same time, so it was 18 hour days for me. Now, the show is over. Back to full-time graphic and Web design. I love graphic design. But right now, most of my big contracts are government contracts with hardly no graphic design to do. It’s basically back to what I used to be doing. I can charge more, but what’s the point if it’s not what I want to do? I have been taking these contracts in fear of not having enough money next month, or the month after.

What’s this doing to me? I am sick. I am sad. I feel like I am turning away from my true path. All these contracts are taking so much time that they are preventing me from doing the work I am meant to do. I want to work on art related projects. I want to act. I want to write screenplays. I want to paint. I need to. That’s my true path. That’s what makes me feel complete. I feel empty right now.

I am working on one very interesting project at the moment, but even that one I find myself pushing the deadline to its limit because of other contracts. Enough.

I consider this to be the first lesson in my new life. I want to help people listen to their instincts to help them follow their path. To do that I need to do it myself, I need to be an example.

There are 2 contracts I have not yet signed. I won’t.

I entered a 7-day screenwritting challenge. I have to write a feature film in 7 days. Having already started one, I thought this was a great idea to stop my procrastination. But when I am getting sick trying to manage everything all at once, it’s not worth it. I also found myself writing nonsense just to finish it. I will finish my script, just not for Friday — for next week 🙂

I will finish my painting that has been sitting there for months. It’s my painting of Diana and her two sons. I have been wondering why I needed to paint that. For the past few weeks, I have been noticing it more that usual. I have to finish it. Yesterday, I read a magazine article — next week is the 10th anniversary of her death.  

I already feel better having written this post. It’s like a contract with myself to not take on any more contracts I don’t want.


Update – Sept. 18, 2007

I finished my painting of Diana, plus I painted 5 more canvases.  I am moving along really well with my screenplay! I even have trouble taking breaks from writing.  



1. chris + brea - August 22, 2007

Welcome to the world of freelancing! I experience many similar feelings about deadline, contract signing and of course, never enough ‘me’ time. I commend you in noticing that early and making choices for you; I still have yet to relax and be me. Thanks for the reminder.

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