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When depression hits and you didn’t even realize it was coming… January 17, 2012

Posted by greenlavender in Emotions, Healing, Health, Personal.
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– Me depressed? Pfffttt. No way, not me. I’m just a little tired… and my muscles ache a bit… and I’m a bit uninterested in stuff.

– What stuff?

– Stuff, you know. Like… stuff.

– Stuff? What are you interested in doing?

– Huh… well, let’s see. Maybe painting? Nah, I don’t feel like it, I have to clean the brushes after. Making a short film! Nah, too much work, there’s the editing, and… you know. Writing a review of the headphones I just bought! Urgghh, I don’t know what to say. Huh, I don’t know, really.

– Didn’t you say you had a headache too?

– Yeah, I’ve been having them for a while now. It’s really annoying, I think it’s just tension.

– Hmmm. You’re depressed my dear.

– Noooo, I swear I’m just a bit tired.

– A bit?

– Okay, a lot.

– So you are tired (a lot), your muscles ache, you have constant headaches and you’re uninterested in “stuff”. Think of what you dream of doing right now… Do you feel like crying?

– Wha…? Hu…? <clears throat> Nahhh. <tear rolls down cheek>… Oh damnit.

So, there’s my latest story. I haven’t touched my blog, I haven’t painted, I haven’t produced the 3 short films I have been wanting to do, all that in a year. 

My sleep is deeply troubled (I once woke up 4 times standing in 4 different rooms of the house in one night); I am easily irritated, impatient, snappy… all that really unpleasant stuff. My muscles have been aching for months, my arms and legs are weak, I am always stiff in the neck, shoulders and back. And… I have been feeling like crying, a lot.

– I’m sorry it’s taken me that long to admit it.

– You don’t have to apologize. Give yourself forgiveness. You do what you can with what you know, always. You have a lesson to learn in this experience. You’ll figure out what it is soon enough.

– How do I get out of it?

– Will.

– Will who?

– No. <laugh> Your own will. Do you want to get out of depression and live a happy life again?

– Yes, very much.

– Then follow your heart, it will lead you to the right places and people.

– Follow my heart… It’s a little hard since I haven’t followed it in a year. Huh, there’s my problem.

– Exactly. Are you scared?

– Yes.

– Express your fear and move on.

– How?

– Find the positive in situations or projects, focus on what you really want and not what you don’t want. Take some time for yourself to quiet your thoughts. Let yourself cry. Express your fear. Then move on.

– Thank you.

– My pleasure. I’m always here for you.

This was a conversation I had… with my heart. Now to follow it.

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Comments»

1. natblog14 - July 17, 2017

Hello, I hope you see this comment someday. I’m Natalia, from Mexico City, I’m 22 years old now, but when I was 12 I found your “Mountain Sun” (11″x14″ oil on canvas) and I loved it so much I tried to replicate it for my art class and told my teacher about you. I just read your post about depression and I think I know how it feels like. I wish we could talk about that, maybe we could help each other.


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