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What not to be, or… To be? June 4, 2012

Posted by greenlavender in "Time For Me" Blogs, Emotions, Family, Healing, Health, Life, Personal, Spirituality/ Well-Being Links.
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My last post freaked out my Mom. Can’t say I blame her, she’s a mother and her only kid writes to the world that she’s depressed. The thing is, I am so in touch with my body that I know when something is “wrong” and know that I need to change something, so I wasn’t worried. That being said, you might ask why, if I am so in touch with my¬† body, did I let it get as far as depression.
The answer is… I am human. I can resist change as much as the next person. I knew for quite a while that I was resisting changes happening in my and my family’s life, but my belief about what I thought I “had” to do during that period was overpowering my instinct to just “chill” and ride the wave. And that is… Ok.
I went through (and still am a bit) a rough period in which I have learned a lot about my way of thinking and reacting to certain situations, and I am adapting.
My major lesson boiled down to my quote in my blog’s header: “Chill, life is what you make of it”. And also that my only “mission” in life is as simple as “to be”, not try to be anything or anybody.
So, I started singing lessons. ūüôā

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When depression hits and you didn’t even realize it was coming… January 17, 2012

Posted by greenlavender in Emotions, Healing, Health, Personal.
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– Me depressed? Pfffttt. No way, not me. I’m just a little tired… and my muscles ache a bit… and I’m a bit uninterested in stuff.

– What stuff?

– Stuff, you know. Like… stuff.

– Stuff? What are you interested in doing?

– Huh… well, let’s see. Maybe painting? Nah, I don’t feel like it, I have to clean the brushes after. Making a short film! Nah, too much work, there’s the editing, and… you know. Writing a review of the headphones I just bought! Urgghh, I don’t know what to say. Huh, I don’t know, really.

– Didn’t you say you had a headache too?

– Yeah, I’ve been having them for a while now. It’s really annoying, I think it’s just tension.

– Hmmm. You’re depressed my dear.

– Noooo, I swear I’m just a bit tired.

–¬†A bit?

– Okay, a lot.

– So you are tired (a lot), your muscles ache, you have constant headaches and you’re uninterested in “stuff”. Think of what you dream of doing right now… Do you feel like crying?

– Wha…? Hu…? <clears throat> Nahhh. <tear rolls down cheek>… Oh damnit.

So, there’s my latest story. I haven’t touched my blog, I haven’t painted, I haven’t¬†produced the 3 short films I have been wanting to do, all that¬†in a year.¬†

My sleep is deeply troubled (I once woke up 4 times standing in 4 different rooms of the house in one night); I am easily irritated, impatient, snappy… all that really unpleasant stuff. My muscles have been aching for months, my arms and legs are weak, I am always stiff in the neck, shoulders and back. And… I have been feeling like crying, a lot.

– I’m sorry it’s taken me that long to admit it.

– You don’t have to apologize. Give yourself forgiveness. You do what you can with what you know, always. You have a lesson to learn in this experience. You’ll figure out what it is soon enough.

– How do I get out of it?

– Will.

– Will who?

– No. <laugh> Your own will. Do you want to get out of depression and live a happy life again?

– Yes, very much.

– Then follow your heart, it will lead you to the right places and people.

– Follow my heart… It’s a little hard since I haven’t¬†followed it in a year. Huh, there’s my problem.

– Exactly. Are you scared?

– Yes.

–¬†Express your fear and move on.

– How?

– Find the positive in situations or projects, focus on what you really want and not what you don’t want.¬†Take some time for yourself to quiet your thoughts. Let yourself cry. Express your fear. Then move on.

– Thank you.

– My pleasure. I’m always here for you.

This was a conversation I had… with my heart. Now to follow it.

Positivity = Healthy Earth April 22, 2009

Posted by greenlavender in Earth, Healing, Health, Life, Love.
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Today is Earth day. What does it mean exactly and why isn’t every day Earth day? We are granted life on this wonderful planet and we dedicate one day to it. Well, I guess it’s a beginning.¬†Like everything else in the human world, we react to crisis. We need¬†a crisis to get us moving and shaking. ¬†

While most people believe our actions are what’s causing the Earth to degrade, I believe it’s our thoughts. Our negative thoughts are polluting the world; judgement being the main one. It is the cause of wars, the cause of violence, the cause of pain and suffering. Fear is a very close second. This negative energy is what is polluting the Earth.¬†A positive environment being overpowered by negativity.

What happens to you when you start thinking negatively? You get sick.  The Earth works in the same way. Our intentions behind our actions are killing our planet. I drive a Jeep Wrangler. Why did I choose a SUV? Because I love it. Because I can take my top off and breathe in so much air when I drive; because I can explore places I would never have seen without it; I stop and appreciate nature around me that I see thanks to having my vehicle. My intention is to have fun. Now my first SUV, which I bought in 2000, is a different story. I bought that one because I was afraid of dying in a car accident. I figured the bigger the car, the less likely I am to get hurt. My reasoning behind that purchase was fear. I was polluting the Earth with my fear, not my car. I worked on that. I am no longer scared of dying.

The more we become conscious of our thoughts the more we can control them and the less likely we are to think negatively. More positive thoughts = a healthier Earth.

Happy Earth Day! Wishing you positivity.

Much love,
Natasha

Soul vs Ego February 26, 2009

Posted by greenlavender in Emotions, Healing, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Personal, Spirituality.
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Black & white, man & woman,¬†hot & cold, happiness & fear, yin & yan… Soul & Ego.

Our¬†world is full of opposites. Everywhere you look, you can notice two distinct forces working opposite each other, yet in perfect harmony. The Universe is perfectly balanced. Some might say: “How can the world be balanced when there is so much poverty!” My response is there is also so much wealth. Wealth not only in monetary terms, but wealth as in love, fulfillment and joy. Most choose not to see this wealth. I won’t get into the why of it, it’s a subject that deserves its own attention.¬†

Our own person doesn’t lack opposites. The most striking is the Soul vs. the Ego. The Soul is¬†made of love, love for everything and everyone on this planet, including thy self. It wants to explore. It wants to soak in every bit of life it can,¬†every bit of sunshine, oxygen, sight, fun. It is happy. Its opposite, the Ego, is fearful. It wants to protect the body from harm, from pain, from disappointment. It wants to contain the body so as to not risk exposing it to potential dangers.

So many people, for so many reasons, are living their life based solely on their Ego’s wishes. They are scared. Scared of exploring the world, scared of being poor, scared of feeling sad or angry, scared of being alone, scared of being sick, scared of dying and even scared of being happy.¬†The more they follow the Ego, the stronger the fears and the further away they get from the Soul, hence happiness. What’s ironic is that the further away they get from the Soul (happiness), the closer they get to the physical¬†manifestion of their fears. Meaning the¬†closer they get to actually being poor, being sad and angry,¬†being sick and dying.¬†¬†The body¬†becomes imbalanced.

The Ego is with us for a reason. It’s true purpose is to protect us from real dangers. When one indulges in fear and protects its body from everything, it defies the Ego’s true purpose and denies its Soul what it needs to break free, hence unbalancing the body¬†and creating an illusion of imbalance in the world.